Severe Depression

My name is Tori, and in October of 2006 my life took a turn for the worse. I began feeling the symptoms of what I now know to be “severe depression”; which resulted in complete isolation, paranoia, acute agoraphobia, and contemplation of suicide. I’ve suffered from countless episodes of depression throughout my life, and somehow managed to recover from them on my own. However, over the years each episode seemed to become more intense and harder for me to come out of. My most recent episode was one in which I can only describe as a “walking coma”. With each waking day, it was as if I was completely disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity of living with my Mom during this time. She, along with my Father, Stepmother, and Brother, has watched me struggle with severe depression my whole life. But, little did we all know, that this time, it would be “the fight of my life”.

As the days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years, I found myself withdrawing from basic human contact. I had completely isolated myself to my room, staying there for days at a time. As this continued, I found that I was beginning to “lose track of time”. I had the television on twenty-four hours a day for the ambient noise. This helped to quiet the negative, overpowering voices in my head. Some of these “voices” were telling me that I was schizophrenic, and that I would never be “normal” again. The voices took on a life of their own, and I began talking to myself out loud. Paranoia began to set in. I rarely went outside; but when I did, it was to smoke a cigarette. I remember thinking the neighbors were watching me through the fence, talking amongst themselves about how crazy I was. I can also recall becoming extremely sensitive to sound. There was an enormous flock of crows that would fly over the house at the same time every morning and night. The sound they made was almost too much for me to take. It became disturbing to me, and soon enough, I conjured up the idea that these crows were “out to get me”. If you are severely depressed, and can relate to any of this, I promise you, there is hope! Let me show you.

Lying in bed one morning, my Mom came into my room and said “I’ve been doing some research on depression treatment centers, and I’m confident that I have found the wright place for you, so pack your things, were going to get you some help”. In the car, on the way to Cliffside Malibu, my Mom told me that she had been researching dual diagnosis treatment facilities for months, but most of them only focused on the treatment of drug and alcohol dependency. And then, by what I believe to be the Grace of God, she found Cliffside Malibu. She mentioned the conversation she had with a man named Andy, who is an administrator. She said she felt an instant sense of relief just in talking with him. She expressed her concern that most of the facilities she had researched seemed to be focused mainly on drug and alcohol addiction. Andy reassured her that Cliffside Malibu was the right place for me, and had the highest level of success in treating countless people who have suffered from many different types of debilitating illnesses, such as severe depression.

Andy stayed with us by phone as we made our way to Cliffside Malibu, calling us frequently to see how we were doing. When we arrived at Cliffside Malibu, it was as if I knew I was exactly where I needed to be. Andy greeted us with open arms. He showed us around, and introduced us to the staff along the way. In beginning my treatment, I was fortunate enough to have been assigned such a remarkable Therapist, Georgina. Not only is she highly trained in her profession, she possesses the skills and intellect that I feel were crucial in getting to the core of what was “really going on” with me. After giving her a detailed description of what I had been going through, she explained to me that the types of things I was experiencing occur in people who have suffered from “severe depression” for an extensive amount of time. This was the first sign of hope I had that there may be a possibility for me to return to some sense of “sanity”.

After six months of severe depression treatment, my life today is better than I could have ever imagined it would be. I returned to working full time, and thoroughly enjoy my job. I have a beautiful apartment in Los Angeles, where I am close enough to visit Cliffside Malibu for Alumni Meetings once a week. I continue to see Georgina once a week for therapy sessions, and will continue to do so, as I know it has been one of the keys to my recovery. I attribute my recovery to God, for listening and answering; the unconditional love and support of my family and friends, who never left my side…no matter what, and for all of Cliffside Malibu’s recovery team and staff for their dedication and love. I am forever grateful!

-Tori

(name changed)

For additional information on the exclusive dual diagnosis programs at Cliffside Malibu, please visit our main Dual Diagnosis page. For immediate assistance call Cliffside Malibu anytime at 1-800-501-1988.